Wilderness Lost

For Bramble, my cat

I

She was the wilderness in me

The secret solitary place

Where grow the healing herbs.

We had recognized each other

Years ago; the bond was deep.

Now since her death-

Two seasons ago-

The landscape is ghostly.

No small black and gold panther

Steals through the long grasses

And pounces on a mouse.

No one curls up on the terrace wall

Gathering the day together.

No round shadow sits on my sill

Late at night, waiting to be let in.

And then in one jump comes to lie beside me,

A long pillow of purrs along my back.

u

Distant, passionate one

I miss you in my bones.

I miss you like my heartbeat.

I have mourned you for nine months.

What does not leave me

Is your great luminous eye

Open to its golden rim,

The darkness so dark, the deepness so deep there

I wanted to go with you to death

But in a few seconds

The needle did its good work.

You had gone-

And in a new time

I grow old without you.

It is all very still now,

The grief washed out.

CHRISTMAS LIGHT

When everyone had gone

I sat in the library

With the small silent tree,

She and I alone.

How softly she shone!

And for the first time then

For the first time this year

I felt newborn again,

I knew love's presence near.

Love distant, love detached

And strangely without weight

Was with me in the night

When everyone had gone

And the garland of pure light

Stayed on, stayed on.