Gay

When you hold his hand

I try to understand

by thinking of

heterosexual love,

her hand in mine,

say, or watching highway

and mountains through

the windshield all day long,

suddenly turning

and catching her watching

face that, once caught,

smiles, wanting nothing else.

I do not know

if I am close; I don't

know what to ask,

how not to be embarrassed.

Asking, father

to his son, I know that,

a son myself,

words are bricks in your mouth

and offer this:

Is a date the way I felt

in high school asking

Vicki to the dance?

to be stood up,

the way I feel here, not

knowing what I've

done wrong or what I lack,

yet wanting still

another chance to prove

I am worthy

of trust and confidence?

Tonight in our

secret worlds I strive to

learn something right,

to be the man behind you

when you're dressed,

to help you with your ties,

to let you live

with love I cannot have.

Structure

40 lines · 10 stanzas