Brandeis Senior Year

Things sure have changed since Abbie Hoffman started

Sandwichman and dosed the tuna fish.

Entire dorms of virgins

Drink, watch Sesame Street, and giggle

About sex. Despite weekly exterminations

The silverfish return in time for finals. Every week

The RA yells at me and Jenni 'cause we dyed

The sinks. My textbooks wait in the corner

For their numbers to give them the strength

To fall over. I earn a thousand a week

Selling Tylenol to girls in purple warm-up suits,

Girls who have crushes on Joey, think his makeup

Is cute, and ignore the obvious. I win three

Awards and am honored at a luncheon with

The president. She looks like Tim Curry and had

Students arrested for wearing spikes. We feed

And shelter subterraneans, out of

Pity and for Trivial Pursuit. Only Eileen

Can do geography. When John the Cabby can't

Answer, he stalls by pointing out that my blue graduation

Robe is the same shade

As someone's face after an o.d.