how we survived: 爺爺’s pantoum (i)

you had to know the currents, & the sun

stay shallow to keep warm in the waters.

you had to believe you could do it

& not be afraid to die.

stay shallow to keep warm in the waters

dream of banyan roots aglow

i was not afraid of dying

even as tides surged my blued lips.

i dreamed of banyan roots aglow

when pistol shots scraped shoreline

tides surged my blued lips

toisan frog treading to freedom.

when pistol shots scraped shoreline

i cried out for my hing dai

toisan frogs treading to freedom

trachea inflamed, violet balloon.

i cried out for my hing dai

when searchlights flooded our vision

tracheas inflamed, violet balloons

liberation army cuffed us home soon.

when searchlights flooded our vision

i pretended the sun was rising

liberation army cuffed us home soon.

record that in this pantoum.

i pretended the sun was rising

when rocks scraped scalps & wood splintered knees

record that in this pantoum

i waited for the scars, & returned.

rock-scraped scalp & wood-splintered knees

bandaged in 嬤嬤’s scolds, congee, & lotus root

i waited for the scars, & returned

new hing dai came searching for a guide.

bandaged in 嬤嬤’s scolds, congee, & lotus root

i trained laps in the bay each nightfall

new hing dai came searching for a guide

water lilies & crickets, our witness.

we trained laps in the bay each nightfall

i had to believe we could make it

water lilies & crickets, my witness

this time, i knew the currents & the sun.

Structure

40 lines · 10 stanzas