Eureka!

Jessica Abughattas

Here in the decomposed granite

and desertscape, a frontier town

on the horizon for me and the old

west iconography I carry

like a tissue or an old receipt.

I’m damned by the land

I love. I’m the one

doing the damning.

I’m no friend of oblivion anymore.

Every day, I wake up and feel deeply

flawed. For these, I have room

in my life: a standup comedian, a poet,

a painter, a passionate kisser, women

sitting in cafés alone

disrupting equilibrium.

Here, homes are made

of wood and stucco. But back home,

they’re stone. A big dark beautiful eye. An eye

that looks like mine.

I’m Palestinian, so I love

to consolidate. The remaining son.

This objectivity avoids

metaphor, can only be what it is.

My prayer:

May all living things

be happy one day.

But let them take their time.

Let them be bad

in the in-between and suffer

no consequences for it.

My prayer: My friend,

I hope your lover isn’t a sadist

sitting in bars in public, telling strangers

You’re about to meet your soulmate.

No, no, you’re afraid

of  being  free.

When I go back

to my unhappiness, I’m sure

to cook it a meal. My sin?

I care about myself

without being kind to myself.

They wanted me, they wanted

me only to idle

around idolatry like a girl

in a mall. And if it’s out there

I’m going to find it. Like hair

wrapped in a drain.

Affairs never approach

this grizzly reality.

Dirt is ugly,

but mountains?

If you love where you’re from

god help you stay there.

Here in the heat

is where I need to be.

This world is frightening;

I’m trying to enjoy it.